I am sick.

How are we here again with new pain and new players?
I'm hurt.
Is this how I've hurt you?
Have you ever felt the pain that I feel now?
I know you've felt more...
But I am weak to follow your pain with your love.
You are a tremendous Spirit.
A woman has caused me pain.
Love smooshed in my face.
And you know this pain too well.
Is that what marriage is?
A once-for-all crucifixion for love?
Because you aren't crucified over and over again.
You were crucified once, and satisfyingly.
Will I ever pass through some rite or event or finale
where MY love will be fulfilled?
where I will neverafter feel the pain of rejection?
what scarifice can I make that will fulfill me and satisfy me?

Teach me, Spirit, because I am doubled over.
I see sparrows who fly high, and I'm encouraged.
A sparrow never committed suicide.

I am sick.